Of All The Idiot Things
by Lady Imara
Summary: “Hermione,” Draco started as he quickly ducked down to avoid a flying Hogwarts: A History. “How could you Draco?” Hermione screeched while avidly searching the room for more things to throw at her idiot lover.  Rated T for use of minor language. Please RR


Author's Note:

This isn't my first FanFiction but it is my first _Harry Potter_ FanFiction, so go easy. I worked really hard on it, so I hope you all like it!

I'm not British but I tried to include British slang so I hope I used it properly.

_Italics are thoughts. _

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**Of All The Idiot Things**

"Hermione," Draco started as he quickly ducked down to avoid a flying _Hogwarts: A History_.

"How could you Draco?" Hermione screeched while avidly searching the room for more things to throw at her idiot lover.

"Well love, I distinctly remember what happened and it wasn't exactly my fault," Draco hesitantly began, searching for the right words.

"Yes it is! You're the one who couldn't take their hands off of me."

"Me!" sputtered Draco. "You were the one who was more hornier than a teenage wizard who had just received their first Play Wizard Magazine."

"Still," continued Hermione stubbornly as a light blush rose to her cheeks, "You should have known better."

"Why should I have known better? It's a women's prerogative to protect herself, not the man's." As soon as those words left his mouth, Draco knew he was done for. _Bugger, I probably shouldn't have said that. _

"It's a women's prerogative? A women's prerogative! Are you serious Draco?" bellowed Hermione. "It's your future too, you shouldn't have assumed that I would remember the spell. How could you not have asked me to make sure Draco?" Tears began to sparkle in Hermione's eyes.

Draco, anxious to avert her tears, unthinkingly blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "It was kind of hard to think with you tearing at my shirt like a bitch in heat!" _Oh shit, wrong thing to say. Smooth move Draco. Backtrack, backtrack now!_

Absolute silence reigned for a moment and then unsurprisingly all seven levels of hell broke loose.

"You- filthy- little- FERRET! How- dare- you- blame- everything- on- me- and- compare- me- to- a- female- canine! Such- typical- Draco- FUCKING- Malfoy- behavior!" Each word was interrupted as Hermione pelted random things in Draco's direction.

Unfortunately for Draco, Hermione's arm occasionally hit its mark. Draco suffered being walloped with a cushion, survived an Ancient Runes textbook that had come dangerously close to the Malfoy family jewels and coped with a bit of parchment that had hit him directly on the nose.

However, as Hermione continued to throw things, Draco was starting to grow more than a little bit irritated.

Knowing that Hermione would never listen to him when she was this riled up, Draco carefully reached down to touch his wand that was tucked away in his robe's pocket (He had to be discreet about it. If Hermione got an inkling about what he was attempting to do, she would have hexed him before Draco could even say Hippogriff) and silently cast a full body bind.

When Hermione realized that she couldn't throw things at Draco anymore, she angrily opened her mouth. Before she could, Draco cast a "Silencio. "

With Hermione effectively bound and gagged, Draco walked over to Hermione. Her eyes shot daggers in Draco's direction and if looks could kill, needless to say Draco would have dropped dead.

When Draco reached Hermione, he lifted his hands and gently cradled her face.

Hermione's eyes burned with fury and the promise to _Avada _his arse as soon as she was free.

Draco barely hid his wince. He firmly pushed away the unease he felt when he thought of her retaliation and concentrated on the task at hand.

"Relax love. I know this isn't the ideal situation, but we'll muddle through it. I mean, we are the two smartest people in Hogwarts," Draco smugly stated, giving her the trademark Malfoy smirk.

Hermione opened her mouth and stared at Draco, clearly wanting to speak. "Blink once if you promise not to go mental on me." Hermione quickly blinked once in agreement.

Draco lifted his wand and canceled the two spells. As soon as the spells were lifted, Hermione threw herself in Draco's arms. If it hadn't been for the couch right behind him, he would have landed quite painfully on his arse. As it was, Draco fell none to gracefully and consequently Hermione was sprawled all over him.

"Blimey Hermione, have you already started putting on weight?" Draco asked, smirking at the brunette draped over his chest. Hermione glanced up and glared at Draco.

"Shut it Malfoy," Hermione grumbled, hitting him upside the head. Draco just grinned and rubbed his head.

"Haven't you abused me enough for today woman!"

"Apparently not enough if you still have the energy to take the mickey out of me," Hermione shot right back. She had always loved their banter but right now they had more important things to discuss.

"But seriously Draco, what are we going to do? We're still in school. We're not married. My parents are going to kill me. Bloody **Hell **your parents are going to kill me! Harry and Ron-, " Hermione was cut off from her increasingly hysterical panic attack when Draco firmly anchored her in his embrace.

"Shh, love. Breathe. Take a deep breath."

Hermione did so and exhaled loudly.

"Listen to me Hermione, haven't we handled everything life has thrown at us? We've handled the glares, the hate and the rumors when people first found out about us. We'll handle this too, **together.** Okay?"

A solitary tear dripped down Hermione's porcelain right cheek. Draco lifted a thumb and gently wiped it off.

"I'm so scared Draco," Hermione whispered as she wrapped her arms around Draco, burrowing into his comforting warmth.

"I'm terrified too Hermione. But we'll have help. You know Scarhead and Weasel will always help you, even if they don't like the situation. You're parents will initially be disappointed and my mom- er mainly my dad will be furious. But they'll get over it. You're it for me Hermione. Even before all this, I knew you would always be mine. This just cements my feelings. I won't share you with anybody," Draco softly growled into the side of her satiny smooth warm throat.

Hermione giggled and playfully pushed Draco's head out of the way. "Honestly Malfoy, you can be such a prat sometimes," stated Hermione affectionately as she leaned over to lightly kiss his cheek.

"Ahh, but you love me that way Granger."

Hermione didn't reply, she just gave him a cheeky grin and snuggled back into his arms. They stayed that way until Hermione just had to ask.

"So Draco, when are we going to tell everyone that I'm pregnant?"

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Final Author's Note:

I know it was obvious throughout the story but I wanted to refrain from explicitly stating that Hermione was pregnant until the very end. So what do you all think? A dud? A gem? Somewhere in between? I would love to hear from all of you. Suggestions and corrections are always welcome. Please REVIEW, it'll make my day! I'll even bake you all virtual brownies!


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